Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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