dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
