Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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