When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize