The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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