How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
