gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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