he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
