wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
