I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
