You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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