Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
