There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
