The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
