if i can run in heels then i can drive
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
