I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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