You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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