im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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