I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
