Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
