I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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