If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
