does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
