My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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