I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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