we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
