forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
