I wanna passion pit in your ass
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
