Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
