Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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