we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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