someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
