hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
