I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
