soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
