i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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