So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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