I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
