im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
