While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
