I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize