i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
