How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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