Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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