Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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