Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
