like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
