allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
