mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
