Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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