She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
