I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
