I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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