If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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