Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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