i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize