Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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