Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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