Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
