yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
