You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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