dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
