Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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