Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
birth control should be required to get into college
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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