Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
