i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
