My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
