Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
