PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
