forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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