can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
