Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
