Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
